Last Christmas
by r-nica
Summary: -ONE-SHOT- Last year was Kai's first real Christmas, thanks to Takao, after spending a brutal Christmasless childhood in the monastery. Last year Takao left Hiromi and promised to come home for Christmas on time. This year they spend Christmas… near Takao's grave. /TxH/


**DISCLAIMER:** Bakuten Shoot Beyblade does not belong to me in any way.

**My first Christmas fic. Tried to have it written before Christmas. Happens before G-Revolution. Kai has his own part here. TxH. Hope you read and review. Hope you enjoy. **

* * *

LAST CHRISTMAS

* * *

Christmas is celebrated in joy. A time of wonderful memories of happiness, celebration of life. Children and adults sing in choirs, warming the cold air of December. Snow doesn't matter; in fact one can experience even the simple delight of gathering heaps of it to form his own snowman. Buildings never escape Christmas lights, neither do the barren trees outside them. Evergreen wreath by the door, mistletoe above it. The smiles won't end there though. Just inside one's home, it's impossible not to be merry when one is gathered with family and friends, exchanging presents, sitting, laughing near a Christmas tree, a tradition adorned with ornaments of red and gold. And even once, one would look up to gaze at the top of the big tree, a smile tugging at his lips at the sight of the Star of Bethlehem, fondly called by others as the Christmas star.

A youthful girl wouldn't be able to experience these wonderful promises of Christmas spirit, for she had already left the festive mood. No, there were no such promises this year; never would there ever be for the rest of her days. Too ironic, the whole world was celebrating life, rejoicing in lively green and poinsettia red, while she was among embodied dull gray, lifeless white.

"_Now _this_ is the festive mood of the year! Let's party!" _

Dead silence.

"Takao…"

Not a shroud of gray could be seen at the blue sky, the rays of the sun making the snowy ground glisten, smiling down at her in irony.

"Takao, it's me, Hiromi." The girl smiled wanly. "Merry Christmas." Gingerly, gloved fingers brushed away some of the snow resting on the edges of the gravestone, then slowly hung a Christmas wreath around a pole specially built just behind it. Deep soulful green laced around by red and golden trails, blending almost in perfection with Christmas white—so beautiful… Energy, enthusiasm. Vigor, happiness…

The colors blurred before her, something she had tried avoiding, and she wiped her eyes. _No, I promised myself that I would pull myself together… for him…_

"Well, we can't let you spend the season alone, can we?" The brunette tried talking to the headstone before her as though Takao were just in front of her. Maybe… Maybe if she tried hard enough, she would be able to convince herself that he really was. A bright smile appeared on her delicate face.

She could still remember last Christmas, the last year when he had been physically present with all of them. Everybody was so happy, she remembered. She was so happy.

Swept in sweet and happy memories, the forced smile started becoming real. Alive. "And look." One hand brought out a Christmas ornament, a turtledove of shared memories with her friend. She had heard about it once from a movie she had watched before: _You keep one and give the other one to a very special person._ In an instant, she saw herself exactly one year ago, when she herself handed a Christmas blue box to Takao, saying those exact words.

"_Really?" Takao blinked, visibly surprised. "Aren't turtledoves a part of some Christmas song?" _

_And she nodded. "Turtledoves are a symbol of friendship and love. They say as long as you and the person you give have your turtledove, you'll be friends forever." Suddenly she looked away, somehow feeling embarrassed and silly for basing a gift on the belief within some flick. "Sorry if that sounds so cheesy and lame. Anyway, Merry Christmas."_

And she had been so sure that the turtledoves would land in the nearest trash bin or he would laugh his guts out.

"_Hey, Hiromi, where are you going?" _

"_Home. Is there anything you need from me?" _

"_Well, aren't you forgetting something?" _

"_None that I can remember. Come on, I really need to be home now." _

"_Give me your hand." _

"_What?" _

"_Just give me your hand." _

_Hiromi offered her hand to the boy in impatience. "Okay, I don't understand what you want but if you would just hurry up and—" She stopped as Takao took her palm with one hand and covered it with his other one. When he released it, the object resting in her palm made her gasp. "You're giving this to me? But I've made your life miserable for months." _

"_Well, true, you've been often mean to me, make me clean the classroom more often times than I can remember, love to beat the crap out of me and all… But hey." Takao had that trademark goofy face on. "It's Christmas. I think we deserve to give each other a break for a change at this time of the year." _

"_Takao… you…" _

"_Yeah. Besides… I like you." _

A year ago. Before he left everyone.

Warmth suddenly left Hiromi along with those memories, tears falling on the ornament as she felt so cold. _How could all these memories be so vivid yet seem so far away now? They'll never exist ever again. Takao… You promised those memories to us, to me! How could you break them now?_

But it wasn't just him. It was also her fault. She pushed him to become what she thought would make him a better person. _I wish I could take all those words back. I never should have—_ She tried forcing those memories out again but to no avail.

It was one Christmas ago when it all happened. At the foot of a Christmas tree set at the Kinomiya dojo, everyone, excluding Kai, gave presents to each other. Hiromi herself had no problem with this usual tradition until Takao's turn came. As it turned out, he claimed he had been broke by the time he got to her and Kai's gifts. What upset the brunette was not the present that she should have received even before giving her turtledoves to the Japanese boy but the reason he held for it. She demanded him to change, and for the first time, her words got through him as much as the surprise she discarded upon seeing his face telling her he had been affected.

He promised then that he would give them their presents next Christmas.

Hiromi could still recall the few weeks before that promise was made. As always they fought, quarreled, gave hell to each other. Takao kept on surprising her with uncountable new ways of annoying her, and she was nearly caught when he said for the first time, "I like you." But by the smirk-smile following up those intimate words, she would know he really didn't mean it.

"_I like you." _

"_Right. As if. You're too immature to mean that."_

Still, they were friends. Her comebacks just complemented those jokes. It always ran like that between them, until the moment of the turtledoves. She didn't know that she had turned him down, had caused the sudden flash of crushed spirit in those unusually serious deep brown eyes. She thought he was still trying to annoy her even during a holiday. But now she knew she should have taken his words seriously.

"_I can be mature too,"_ she remembered him say quietly.

_I gave you those turtledoves, Takao, because I meant you eternal friendship,_ she wept in silence. _You gave one to me, because… because I didn't realize how special I was to you. How could I have been such a fool? You were practically telling me the entire time yet I failed to see it!_

And too late to realize how much he meant to her.

Two days after Christmas, Takao surprised everyone with his sudden decision to travel alone to countries where beyblading was unheard of.

"_It's my duty as a world champion. I must bring the spirit of beyblading alive in the hearts of those kids," he told Hiromi before he left. "Besides, you're not the only one who can be mature sometimes. I never run from a challenge and I won't now."_

And she was sure he wouldn't even last a week. But during the only few phones calls Hiromi had with Takao, he said he was trying to avoid the media and doing everything he could to enjoy being alone while it still lasted. She couldn't believe his words. The immature attention-craving Takao she knew would never say such things. The Takao who had spoken to her from the other sides of the world sounded grown-up… and mature.

"_I know, Hiromi. More than anything I want to spend Christmas with you and the rest of the team," Takao said just last month through the static of a long-distance call. "But right now, I don't know if I can make it there. There's still unfinished business here…" _

_You told me, Takao…_

"_I made a deal with you last year, didn't I? Wait for me, guys. I'll finish teaching the kids here, get the Christmas presents you and Kai should have received before and then I'll directly go home as soon as possible." _

_You said you would be here…_

"_Why can't you have faith in me, Hiromi?" The sound of the champion's laughter. "I'll reach home in time for Christmas. I promise." _

The last conversation she would ever have with him. She never knew. The last promise.

_Don't make promises you can't keep… _

Auburn eyes shut tightly, then opened to the horrifying sight of the remains of an exploded, wrecked ship just seven days ago. Chilled ears remembered the neutral voice of the news anchor informing how passengers weren't found alive, how burnt beyond recognition recovered corpses were. How the thorough search for survivors had been in vain, save for the discovery of Takao's trademark cap and Dragoon found among the very few things that had escaped such tragedy. At the news, Hiromi fainted before everyone, only to wake up to the heavy wailing all around her.

The next hour, the Kinomiya dojo was a sea of family, friends, strangers, cruel media. And then, the vision thinned back into the air.

How many foreign but devastated faces begged her and his family to say everything was some sick joke, a twisted lie?

How many times was she forced to hear herself repeat the same poisonous words of truth?

How many fingers had in vain tried to get even merely a gentle brush of the champion's spirit, the warmth of his life lying within the core of Dragoon?

Dragoon… Now inside the empty hole of the earth near the dark-haired girl. The anguished BBA Team and Takao's grandfather made the champion a grave in his memory, though the corpse was no longer recovered. Behind the gravestone stood a pole, a rising dragon spiraling its way to the top, as though to reach Takao's cap resting there.

_So many kids you had inspired, so many people you had brought the best out of, so many fans who look up to you and admire you… I admire you, I like you, I…_ Tears cascaded down the pale face, merging with the snow covering death. _I wish I had been always really nice to you before! If I could turn back time and openly loved you instead of being so mean to you… I—I… I'm so sorry!_ _I wish you're still alive!_

Footsteps sounded on the snow, and Hiromi knew she wasn't alone anymore.

"Figured you'd be here."

Hiromi looked down at the grave. "It's my turn to watch over it."

Kai stood behind her. "It's been seven days but you're still crying," he stated in an indifferent tone. "When will you ever learn to stop?"

That made her snap, enough to explode as she whipped around to face him in anger she nearly couldn't contain. Their close friend had died, died without even saying goodbye, and he was acting like some stray dog just got run over by a car? "And when will _you_ learn how to shed tears? At least I know how but you don't! You don't have to add salt to my wounds, Kai! I know I haven't stopped crying but I don't care! I'll cry for as long as I want. But do it! Go on! Tell me I'm so weak! Shout it to my face! That's what you want to hear yourself say, isn't it? If it makes you feel better, hurt me then! Just release what you feel inside!"

Wine eyes turned mineral-cold.

"Hurt me, Kai! _Now!_"

The ice besieging his orbs nearly froze her. "It's not what I want."

Hiromi stopped before looking away. "I'm sorry."

"Hn."

Hiromi watched him pick up Takao's cap, unable to believe his nerve like he didn't care. It wasn't expected of Kai to give comfort, much less openly offer it, but Hiromi wasn't counting on him to be so cold and unfeeling either. "You're not affected, are you."

"You said he made a promise to you. To us." Kai stared at the cap in his hands. "He abandoned Dragoon and Seiryuu. Am I supposed to cry over a thoughtless idiot like him?"

She was left stunned by his words devoid of warmth. Why couldn't he just give himself his release? She moved back, just enough distance away from the grave to give her friend his space and time alone with it but Kai didn't move even closer to it. How long was he going to be like… this? _Talk to him, Kai! Say something, anything! Just don't be like this!_ But when her thoughts wouldn't reach him, her heart sank down deeper. "Merry Christmas, Kai," she softly tried, hoping to trigger some form of emotional response from him.

But he said nothing.

Nothing was going to work. Hiromi looked away, one of her seven-day memories leaping into her mind. Going past Max and Kyouju's emotional cries, past Rei's red-eyed, tear-streaked face. She saw herself falling to the floor of the dojo right after hearing the tragic news. When she woke up, everyone was leaning on each other, pounding the walls in grief, mourning.

Everyone but Kai, who seemed hardened by shock. No tears on his hard face, just like the way he was now.

* * *

_Merry Christmas._ Christmas. It was a dead word for him.

Yet strange fire burned cold violet pools. They closed, a trip to the same darkness of memories, of innocence and confusion, of longing, loneliness and death. Death of a young child.

Snow was even colder where the child stood, heavenly blue bangs matted with the joyous promise of Christmas white, watching from afar with big wide eyes people parade with homemade lanterns, torches, candles around the church. They seemed so warm and happy there; he couldn't get why he wasn't allowed to go there, why he couldn't join them. So he asked his grandfather.

"Because it's Christmas," was the cold reply.

"But what's wrong with Christmas?" He was so confused. He dimly remembered himself walking with those people, his father and mother with him when they were still alive. He told that to his grandfather, his caretaker, his only family.

"They are dead already. Forget them and Christmas; focus yourself on becoming strong. Even though you're my grandson, there is no special treatment for you inside the monastery."

The child was left disappointed but dutifully followed his grandparent back to the cold, cold walls of confined training and discipline. He would get his chance, he promised himself. He would do everything to please his grandfather, and maybe, he would be pleased enough to make the young beyblader see Christmas again.

One year went by, but it was the same thing all over again. The boy couldn't understand. His dinner was no different from the other boys', a hot but ordinary meal empty of warmth and love. He stared at the plate, then at the dark, cold space of the spacious dining room. All alone. Visions of his father throwing a spoonful of _kutya_ up to the ceiling of his festive home. They seemed almost real, the special porridge of wheatberries and honey almost lingering in his taste buds, his mother's voice warming his heart about hope and immortality, happiness and success. He asked if he could have even just a morsel of that meal.

"You don't really understand, do you, Kai?" Volkov, his trainer, regarded him with the same harsh and icy degree he felt with his grandfather a year ago. "In this training ground, no one knows what Christmas is. You should know by now what a big disappointment you are to your grandfather."

Disappointment? He could he be? He was better already; he always beat everything and everyone, and whenever he received his punishment for failing once or twice, he came back always even stronger, more powerful. Wasn't this what his grandfather wanted?

"Fool!" A powerful spank sent the blue-haired boy to the rough ground, a young cheek nearly scraped. "You should be the _best_, and the _only best_ there will ever be." And behind his mask was a lurking evil, something that held the boy in dread as the violet hair turned more ominous. "And your grandfather wants me to make sure of that now."

Eyes widened with terror, a tear falling from one of their corners. "But… It's Christmas eve…"

"No tears, Kai. I pity the weakness you're displaying now. But I won't allow it; this is the Christmas you shouldn't forget."

Three hours later, the child came out of the training room, a broken ripcord in the right hand, the other hand covering one of the multiple bruises and blows received for taking time in attaining perfection, darkness smothering his dirty face.

The next Christmas came; he couldn't take it anymore. St. Nicholas must know the answer but the child was afraid to come out and ask him. All the boy ever wanted was Christmas with his family. But his parents were already gone, and he couldn't do anything about it. He was counting on only one person.

"You never learned from your mistakes, Kai. I didn't raise you to be like that. Enough of you and your Christmas foolishness."

"But I don't have to spend Christmas outside the monastery; I just want to celebrate it with you, my own grandfather."

Same spank that sent him to the floor.

He didn't give up, though his will was a crumbling wall already. "Why?" Desperation. "I don't understand why I can't spend Christmas—"

"You are not advancing any further, Kai! With each festive fantasy you hid in your soul, your distraction grows even more. The memory of Christmas is leading you astray, weakens you each day. In the path of achieving the perfect strength and power, there is no room for a softening heart!"

Each time he tried to open his eyes to the Christmas spirit, his grandfather would close them with beatings. Until the final rain of blows came, until he died. The one who took his place buried him forcibly into himself, a slightly older boy with triangle marks on his hardened face.

"Tell me, Kai. Share with me what Christmas is for."

"Christmas." No emotion reflected. "What's that?"

And his grandfather never touched him after that. Kai grew in strength, no tears. Throughout the years of following the old man's commands, he would see the same parade of people with the same number of lights in their hands, watch snowballs being made by children, witness the bright lights of homes, families getting ready for a Christmas dinner. But there was no happiness, not even a shred of anger fueled by the mere sight. After all, it was impossible to feel anything for something he didn't know about. He hadn't been punished, just that helpless child who longed for his family Christmas. All he had was the knowledge of that child's path to death that he took once a year. Kai came back to Japan still carrying that insignificant memory, tried to accomplish his tasks, got stuck with the BBA Team, betrayed them, was welcomed back, cut his ties with his grandfather and won the championships with his team. New people appeared, endless enemies came, but in the end he was still bonded to his teammates. His friends.

And one person in particular.

Wine eyes burned again.

Kinomiya Takao, his rival who never gave up on him and friendship.

His teammate who held out his hand in Lake Baikal to save him and never stopped urging Kai to grab it even though Kai knew as a traitor he deserved to just die.

His comrade who never stopped believing in him even when Kai couldn't trust him to win important matches in the first World Championship back then, and later when even Kai himself fell short more than once.

That champion who coaxed him into joining his Christmas gathering with their other friends. Kai remembered himself choosing to spend the holiday inside his mansion, no parties, no friends with him, just him and the ordinary night that would soon pass as he slept.

"_Are you kidding? What on earth are you talking about? You're missing half of your life, and you're not going to miss it any further tonight, even if I have to drag you all the way across the town to make sure of that!" _

_Make sure of that…_ In any ordinary circumstances Kai would have been able to turn Takao down but something about his teammate—and what he said which sounded vaguely familiar—sparked a feeling of challenge inside the older teen. An internal challenge, he didn't understand what. So that night he was subjected to an event of gifts, evergreen lining the edges of the dojo, sparkling lights, a big tastefully decorated Christmas tree, laughter… Strange pangs raided him, like he felt… deprived. Nearly tortured, he almost left the dojo without a word, but Takao caught him and forced him to stay, too determined to make Kai taste his first experience of Christmas with the team.

_Crazy_ was the word to describe that night, Kai thought. Or more correctly, Takao, among other people, made the word happen in every moment possible. The guy was fooling around when he made Max take candid shots of everyone. But since the term never existed in Kai's system, Takao tried sneaking a Santa hat on Kai's head. The sudden flash of light made Kai aware of Takao behind him, and he actually strangled him, making the poor guy vow to burn that part of the film before the pictures were developed. Kai never knew that Max even caught this particular unusual act on film until it was too late. He knew he should be annoyed.

Yet somehow, he… quite enjoyed it. Another memory came.

"Deck the halls with boughs of holly," _Takao gleefully sang, goofing around with a plastic ocarina in a completely out-of-tune play._ "'Tis the season to be jolly—" _Torturous notes falling out of place, everyone covered his ears in horror._ "Don we now our gay apparel, Fa la, fa la la la laaaaaaa...!"

_Hiromi pretended to whack him in the head. "Takao, you're such a hopeless nut!" _

_Laughter roused in result, and said hopeless musician just grinned. _

Though Kai didn't know why, just watching Takao grin in that state made him feel like… smiling. Despite the navy-haired teen being completely ridiculous, there was a certain kind of aura and energy emanating from him, something that could light up the darkest of moods. A part of the lone teen wanted to thank his host, and Kai felt… strangely happier that night.

Takao resurrected the lifeless child buried within the recesses of Kai's guarded being.

And Kai saw that child lying in the cold empty grave just before him.

Now he was hardened once more, strong like before. No tears to weaken him. Nothing, no one, would ever be able to make him feel pain. Just like the past days while everyone else mourned. To hell with everyone else for saying he should grieve. Takao had committed a great offense against him, no tears reserved for a fool. Who did Takao think he was?

The fire in him was starting to blaze already, screaming through his skin. Soon his clothes would burn, soon the snow would melt.

"_Now _this_ is the festive mood of the year! Let's party!"_

He couldn't stop it anymore, tears slowly forming and falling from his hardened eyes, so few.

Hiromi looked at him through her red-streaked ones. "Kai," she said softly, opening her arms in invitation.

"I don't need that," he snapped, spitting the words to the ground.

"Kai…"

"I said, I don't _need_ that!" he yelled at her, muscular body visibly trembling underneath the layer of his dark warm clothes. "What I need is to see Kinomiya breathing!" Breath going ragged, he rushed to the grave, heated color slashing across his cheeks. "You idiot! You're damn alive and you know it, you bastard!" He kicked the gravestone in rage, and with force kicked again. And again. And again.

Hiromi gasped. "Kai!"

"I loathe you! You're so weak, you know that, Kinomiya!" Kai lost control of his breathing, hyperventilation gasping out of his livid body, the need to strike someone, something, anything rousing his senses to full awareness. "Does it take one stupid trip to kill an ass like you? Tell me!" Hard hands balled themselves into enraged fists, pounding the gray stone, a crack forming along the side. He wanted more of that crack, he decided, centering his punches on it at first, then raining fists all over the stone. Hiromi's wreath was reduced to a shattered, useless ring of green, and without mercy was ripped off its place by him, Hiromi's pleas and wails for him to stop just dimmed sounds from far away. _Destroy it, destroy it, destroy it… _

"Enough of this, Kai!" Hiromi was yelling now, tears streaming down her face, horrified at the blind craziness in action. "Stop it!"

"You think you're someone important, huh? You really think so, don't you?" Kai's voice nearly cracked, and he swallowed back his sorrow to utter a wild curse, energy concentrated on the grave before him. The crack lengthened, grew, spread into irregular branches, a tear of bitterness slipping down his frozen check. His hold on Takao's cap tightening, he raised his hand to make use of it in a final strike. A river of furious red drew but he felt nothing from it while kneeling down.

"Kai, please!"

"Get up from there, you coward!" Hysteria was personified in Kai's hands, clawing, digging snow first, then brown earth. Deeper. "How dare you try running away—you and I have a match to settle!" Deeper. "Get up, I said!"

"Kai, stop it! _You're destroying Takao's grave!_"

Kai's insides froze at Hiromi's shrill words, eyes widening in a stunned moment. Slowly the fire running through his body died, his hands losing spirit with each ceasing moment until the thirst of the grave for peace was quenched. Someone below was asking for it…

_Seiryuu…_ he realized. Something wet rolled down his face again but he remained stiff in shock.

_Destroy it…_ It sounded so faint now, barely heard over the beat of his pulse. _Destroy death…_ Was he really accomplishing it? Was it going to bring Takao back to life?

He was destroying his friend's memory. Moving back, more tears formed at the edges of his eyes, against his will, and he fell on his knees, sitting on his heels. As he brought down his hand, Hiromi approached him slowly. Silently.

Kai pushed her away. "Go away, Hiromi."

The girl stumbled back but came back to his side once more. "Kai." Her voice sounded so raw.

Kai snarled at her, now repeated his action with such force that she nearly hit a nearby grave as she fell on snowy ground. "You're an idiot just like him! I told you to go away!" Unreleased anger that remained inside his soul was melting into something much worse. _I will not feel pain. I refuse to be hurt. No tears, I don't deserve shedding those, I never shed any, not for anything, nor for anyone… _

But his shoulders trembled, knowing that somehow he had, and it wasn't just anyone…

No longer did he see the wrecked grave before him, blinking only to be replaced by thin veil of moist that started draping carelessly from lifeless eyes down to the angular chin. No longer did he hear Hiromi's footsteps though he felt her presence. He blinked again, and the next thing he knew, his friend knelt before him and gave him a soft, warm hug without saying anything.

-"_The start of the trip is the knowledge of an important person's end. People take different paths in accordance to their capacity of absorbing it and manner of coping it."- _

Kai's forehead went to her shoulder blade, he unable to stop hot tears. Hiromi held him tightly, though he knew despite her silence that she was crying with him too.

-"_Some make it through in a breeze; others keep on stumbling and falling down."- _

"I hate you… I hate you, Kinomiya…" he whispered. _I hate you for going away. You left us with a gap that none of us would ever be capable of filling up… Who will ever do that?_

-"_But no matter what road one chooses, they all end in one destination: a land of tears, grievance, sorrow, grief."- _

"Kai…"

_Kinomiya, how could you leave your brother like that…? _His head slipped down her shoulder to her upper arm, he still clutching Takao's soiled cap, his very trademark memory.

_I thought I was so strong. I have always prided myself for it. _He was made to believe he had found and proven his strength by not crying through all those years.

-"_If one wants to move on to the land of the refreshed life, he needs as much grains of help from his companions as much as they need his."- _

But it proved he was so weak because he couldn't cry. No matter how hard he tried to act tough, there was, and always would be, inside a frail soul who lost someone important to him. His body shook violently as his sobs escalated to helpless grieving, muffled by the tenderness of Hiromi's hug. Those countless tears she had shed that he thought he would never own… Obviously Hiromi was a much stronger person.

-"_Because one cannot by himself build the long winding road."- _

_How could you do this to me, to us? __How could you allow yourself to die… Takao… _

The child came back to life to grieve over a lost member of his family.

But this time, Kai also mourned with him.

* * *

Hiromi buried her face in Kai's hair, tremors of her friend's body dissolving her promise to herself. They had to be strong, strong for their deceased friend. But how could she carry on when even the calm, composed, the mighty Hiwatari Kai was finally collapsing in her arms? Though she had encouraged him to release the swelling heavy emotions inside him, it was too much to take.

Minutes later, he broke away, and she quickly turned her head away from him, afraid that she would bring herself over the brink of collapse should she get a glimpse of his devastated face. Instead, she got to the wrecked gravestone through tear-brimmed eyes. Tired arms enfolded themselves around it in a long final embrace.

Warm internal glow. She felt it soothe her somehow. For she was embracing not only Takao's memory but the Christmas star resting within her. A voice. _Christmas star… It is not a wishing star but a star of hope… _Should she listen to it? What if it would only… Did she dare listen to it?

She did. And she closed her eyes and rested her forehead on the stone to whisper her last goodbyes…

Kai's hand fell on her shoulder, and she saw him carefully placing the cap back on the pole, a last act of paying respect. He stood, silent like he really was, and waited for her to join him.

"Merry Christmas." In dead silence, she began to walk away. With a final glance behind her, she fell into step beside Kai. The walk continued, heavy feet kissing the snow in a trail of penetrated sadness.

_What goes from this point on?_ The question was a reverberation throughout her body, soul barely existing in the midst of emptiness inside. Wherever she would go, Takao would surely be there. As clear as his laughter ringing in her ears. As clear as the memories of him crying out battle commands near the river. As sure as what he would say if he were alive…

"I'm home!"

Half-lidded eyes widened, then a hesitant turn of the head, heartbeat racing. She was just hallucinating, right? _I'm conjuring an impossible desire…_ She must be already driven to the edge upon imagining a vision of a guy in the middle of the bridge, familiar ponytail chopped off, a winter cap over deep blue hair. Her hand unconsciously grabbed Kai's arm.

But Kai appeared to be struck too. "Hiromi. Look."

She followed the trail of his gaze; blood nearly ceased moving to her brain that she felt close to fainting. Kai steadied her by her arms, and she regained focus. A shadow. There was a shadow cast by the young man's frame, and she could hardly breathe at the impossible sight.

"Well? It's Christmas, isn't it?"

But the incredible truth sank in, dictating her feet to move.

"You guys won't _believe_ the things I had undergone just to get here on time," he complained, approaching the end of the bridge. "It's bad enough that I woke up so late for my trip, not to mention my bag containing my personal stuff was stolen at the very last minute! It's even worse missing the trip because of that without having all these flocks of fans forcing me to cut my hair just to escape them! Do you even know how embarrassing it was to change identity and borrow money from a kind couple just to get home here after trying to buy you guys those gifts—Aah! I wasn't able to replace those gifts that were in my bag before! I'm sorry, Hiromi, I promised you and Kai your gifts but I only managed to buy Kai's gift; what I wanted to give you was so expensive—"

He was cut off when Hiromi suddenly hugged him tightly, fresh tears running down her soaked face. "Hey, what's going on? Oi, Hiromi, why are you crying?" he asked in utter confusion, blinking, patting her head affectionately with a warm hand.

The simple gesture of comfort was enough for her to shed completely different tears. "Don't change," she whispered. "Stay the way you are."

"Eh? What are you talking about?"

Hiromi released him, nearly forgetting that Kai was also with her that she was so surprised when she watched him walk over to Takao and send the brown-eyed boy to the snowy ground with just a hard punch.

Takao moaned in pain. "What the heck's your problem, Kai?" he demanded but stopped in obvious surprise when the wine-eyed teen reached out his hand to help him and pulled him up. Deep brown orbs widened, filled with shock when Kai received him in a brotherly hug.

"Shut up, Takao."

Before Takao could react any further, Hiromi hugged them both, closing her eyes in sheer happiness. "I don't care about the gift," she whispered. "Thank you for your laziness, for your carelessness. For saving yourself… Merry Christmas…" She opened her eyes—

And found herself alone at the end of the bridge.

_No…_ She blinked, blinked again but no one was standing in the middle of the snowy connecting structure. Crumbling. She was crumbling again. With trembling shoulders she turned her back to look at Kai who remained frozen at the spot where she had left…

_Christmas star… It is not a wishing star but a star of hope…_

_I am a fool. How could I have believed in my Christmas star?_ She listened to it, listened to its voice in a trust of soothing her despair. Now she knew it was her biggest mistake. _I _am_ conjuring an impossible desire, an impossible dream. _

Because in that dream, the Kai she saw wasn't a lifeless soul with tears streaming from red-streaked eyes like the way he was now. The Kai living there was a renewed vigor, no grievance etched in his face. The one she saw there… hadn't looked so defeated…

The girl collapsed and broke down again, burying her face in her hands. She thought she felt so empty, that there were no more tears left for her to cry. She thought she could stop even when she reached Kai's side and he started leading her away from the area of the bridge. How could she have been so wrong about the Christmas star? Why did she allow herself to receive the vision she just saw? Hope was known for its offered comfort.

But even in Christmas, hope could also be known for its cruelty.

* * *

**Okay, this is my first time to write something this… sad (I hope). I'm trying to experiment on ending my fics in different ways, one-shot or not. The turtledove thing… it occurred to me while I was watching Home Alone 2. Please forgive any form of error seen that I missed.**

**Well, thank you for reading. I hope you can leave a review for this fic. I don't know if I can continue writing something like this. Sorry if I sound depressed. **

**Thank you. **

**Merry Christmas, everyone. **

* * *

Far away, there where the bridge was built, stood a young man in a winter cap never been worn before. When he started crossing the bridge, he looked at two figures heading away. A youthful girl who would look at the scene would have found the rest of the sequence so familiar, as he remembered the missing hair below his neck.

_Finally._ His fingers tightened a little around a turtledove.

_Finally I'm home. _

* * *

**You know I had to twist it like that. (Really, how could I have anyone killed in a Christmas fic?) :)  
**

**"Hope is not a dream but a way of making dream become reality." –L.J. Suenens**

**Merry Christmas. **


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